


Love We Share

by 61x04



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Army, Drabble, Gun Violence, M/M, War, children at war, its from the episode were they have the jack war flashbacks, this is us inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 13:57:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18316631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/61x04/pseuds/61x04
Summary: Now, when finally Baekhyun wanted the exact same thing. Now, when Baekhyun was glowing with the happiness of having his husband back and soon a baby in his arms. Now, when Baekhyun would not ever give up the idea of adopting. Now, when Chanyeol didn’t want it anymore.





	Love We Share

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching This Is Us... Then this drabble happened.

_Lay down your arms  
Give up the fight_

Waking up to gunshots is not the way Chanyeol likes to wake up every morning.  
He would prefer sweet kisses to the temple from his husband or even annoying chirps from the too cheery birds outside his window every morning.

Explosions and gunshots are what he woke up to on the regular the past fifteen years of his life. Being back home and permanently was something Chanyeol had always wanted to happen, but never dreamed of it actually coming true. 

For the past fifteen years of his life had been dedicated to the army. Within those fifteen years eleven of them had been equally dedicated to his best friend, then boyfriend, and now husband, Baekhyun. 

They married three years ago and Chanyeol had seen him sparingly within those years. Neither complained, now grown accustomed to this lifestyle the last eleven years of their love life.

However, this time, being back home brought Chanyeol back to the worst moments in the army. Within the month he has been back there hasn’t been a day he has not woken up from night terrors and flashbacks to everything he has seen. 

Having Baekhyun next to him helps sometimes, but since he has been back Chanyeol has grown distant knowing Baekhyun is still adamant on adopting within the year. 

It had not always been that way. Chanyeol had been the one to convince Baekhyun that adopting would complete their small family in the first place. Chanyeol had always begged for this one thing. This one little human to complete them. He had always brought it up in conversation and it hadn’t been until this year when he was discharged that he completely dropped the subject. 

Now, when finally Baekhyun wanted the exact same thing. Now, when Baekhyun was glowing with the happiness of having his husband back and soon a baby in his arms. Now, when Baekhyun would not ever give up the idea of adopting. Now, when Chanyeol didn’t want it anymore. 

He loved Baekhyun. God did he love that man. He would give him anything he asked for. He had given him his heart those years ago and never regretted it once. He was all in all of his being was rooted in the thoughts of Baekhyun and his happiness and well being. They both loved each other so much, so wholeheartedly, so selflessly. 

This thing though. This one thing he had always wanted. He could not give to Baekhyun anymore. Not now. Maybe not ever. Especially not now that when he closed his eyes he saw the tortured ones of the boys he met with guns in their hands and malice etched to their beings. 

He didn’t understand how something so pure as a child could hold a gun in his hands and pull the trigger with no remorse or tears. He understood the brainwash these children had to go through the torture they must have been put through but to see it first hand broke his heart. 

There wasn’t a time he did not cry for these children. Not even when one of them was close to killing him. Not even then. 

When he was asked to aim his weapon directly at the enemy. The enemy when all he saw in front of him were innocent lives lost to malice was something that tortured his entire being. 

These children who would grow to hate the very ground they walked and the people who share the same blood just to quench the bloodthirsty inhumane people who stole them away as kids to bring up into a world full of hatred. 

That’s all he thought about when he closed his eyes. Just death behind every blink.

How could he adopt now when his heart and mind were so tortured by what he had gone through? How could he love someone else so openly and give them his all when he was so close to breaking himself. 

Chanyeol was never able to express his feelings very well and he wasn’t doing a great job now hiding away from Baekhyun and going quiet when Baekhyun brought up the topic. 

He could see how badly Baekhyun wanted this. He could see how hurt he was when Chanyeol would say they could talk about it later. For later never came.

Baekhyun new his husband was holding something back. He knew he needed time and as shown space. He could do that, but his heart was slowly breaking with every turn of his husbands head and “let’s talk later.” 

When was later? Baekhyun thought. Would later be a week from now? A month? Years? How long would later last before Baekhyun himself broke down.

He had never wanted something so much as he did now. This concept of family and completion once they adopted their child. He loved Chanyeol with his entire being, had so since they met and became friends. He knew how much Chanyeol wanted this and he was finally on board 100 percent. 

Baekhyun was ready to complete the family he had been dreaming of since he learned how selfless love could be. 

He couldn’t wait much longer to discuss this topic especially since the adoption agency had set up a meeting for the coming week. It was now or never Baekhyun thought as he walked into their study to find Chanyeol laying on the futon looking outside the window. 

“Chanyeol. I really need to talk to you.” Baekhyun whispered.

“I know you need time and I wish I could give it to you, but... I can’t wait, Yeol.”

God, how he wished his voice didn’t break or how the unavoidable sob left his throat so brokenly. 

“They want us to come in on Thursday… And I understand if you can’t go. But I am. I’m going. This is something I just can’t give up. I’m so sorry Yeol.”

Baekhyun wanted to run because if he stayed put he knew the tears and the sobs would be hysterical and he didn’t think Chanyeol would be able to handle such sadness. 

“Baek… Baby” Chanyeol quickly stood to grab Baekhyun grabbing his soft tear filled face and hugging him to his chest. 

“Please don’t cry, baby. I hate seeing you cry, please.” 

“Yeol, I want this so b-bad. I want our baby. Please don’t make me give this up. Please Yeol. I’ll be such a great dad and I’ll make sure they're never hurt. Don’t say no Yeol, please.”

He hated to beg. He knew he could do this alone, but he didn’t want to. He wanted Chanyeol there with him for this journey. He wanted to share his love with Chanyeol and their child. 

“You don’t have to do this alone Baekhyun. I’m not… OKay. I don’t know when I’ll feel okay again. I need you to know that I love you though, Baek. I love you more than life itself. I want you to be happy and I want nothing more than to share the experience of bringing up a child together, but…” 

Chanyeol had to keep wiping away the never-ending stream of tears pouring down Baekhyun's face. Baekhyun hated the word but and he was ready to plead and beg but Chanyeol kept going. 

“I don’t know when that’ll be. I don’t know when I’ll feel okay again or like I used to, but I do know that I love you, baby. That I’ll love them just like I love you, unconditionally. I just know I’ll have my bad days. The days where I don’t want to get out of bed. The days where I cry and breakdown. The days when I’m insecure and think you’d be better off without me and it would be best if I left.”

Baekhyun’s shaking his head and grabbing onto Chanyeol ready to fight for Chanyeol and what he wants.

“And I’ll be there. Everyday. Ready to tell you how much I love you. How much we love you. I’ll lay in bed with you holding you until you’re ready to get up again. I’ll hold you as you cry and share that pain you hold with you. If you think we would be better off without you I’ll be there holding your hand ready to go wherever you go. BEcause I love you, Yeol. ANd you love me. An all those things you went through, they can’t be erased. But, I know that we can do this. I know that we can be happy.”

Baekhyun is giving him that smile, that million dollars smile with those shining loving eyes of his.

“How can you know that, Baek?”

He can’t help but smile back. Even though his eyes have watered to the point that they are freely spilling over. He smiles at Baekhyun.

“There’s nothing in this world I know more than how much we love each other, Yeol. So, yes. I know. I know we can do this.”

The kiss the two share is simple. It’s not bittersweet. It’s feathery and light a brush of lips with a promise. A promise filled with hope and understanding. Filled with happiness.


End file.
